It's been long time since I updated my entry, and now I'm back with my current mood is totally blur because I'm really a blurry person. I'm blur about my future, my personality, my acts towards people and other blurry thing. I really have problem with myself. Hahaha.. maybe you, the people who had read my previous entry think that part of my blog all about my unsatisfied of my life. But, I'm not giving up my life, it just messed a little (does it?, hahaha, forget it)...
And right now, another complain to remove this load from my bottom of heart .
The truth is, I can't mixed well with people even in virtual. I don't know why but I want to hide my true personality so other people can't read me then deceive me... (hahahaha... like hell my thought, but it's the truth...) my friend think that I weird (just a little) because I know they are 'weirder' than me (in some cases). Hahahaha..
All my friend actually just weird like I am. We will become a shy person in front of crowd especially Mimi, Ana, and I myself. But, I know, they must have different reason on why they shy in front of people. 
If I attend some ceremony and get involved with people that I'd know, I'll become petrified and just shut myself off. Although my friends or my close family is around there just like last week when I'm attending my grandma's thanksgiving ceremony for her U'mrah. I'm the only one of the girl's sibling who was going instead of my others' sister.
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*Just random picture, I've edited this picture and make it as my timeline's cover on facebook. This two are my ICHIBAN. |
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*not related, but I'd edited it as he's one of my Ichiban |
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| *I've edited it for my 'big' sister... She really love both of them |
When I reach the grandma's house, the presence of my relatives did make me nervous as if they want to ask me or talking with me since I'm the only girl's sibling that show up. And, it end with me, sobbing heavily in my grandma's room when the others relatives talking out there. I don't want to socialize with them because I feared for criticism, yes I admit, I FEARED FOR CRITICISM
(but, it's only among the people that we known each other).... I'm putting a thought that they'll not like me since I'm not a friendly, 'unlooking' good person and so on that can make people comfortable with me.It goes the same at school if my friend of friend is talking each other, I'll remain silent in my place unlike my other friend like Mimi or Ana or Tihah and Tasneem, they can talking to each other's friend comfortably but sometimes,
they'd said they also not comfortable talking with people who are more amazing. 
What the heck we are... Hahahhahahaha......Okay, and the conclusion is,
I really can't mixed with people easily, I can't talk to them as they understand what am I trying to say. I'm a poor person on social. Hahahaa.. As you can understand what I'm tried to tell...
Then, jya ne~!
As-salam...OYASUMI NASAI...
