Okay, look at the title. Yeah, I'm free ! Alhamdulillah semalam tepat pukul 12:30 p.m last paper, BA dah tamat. Lega sangat sangat. Tapi kan, walaupun rasa lega tapi macam ada something je yang tak kena.
Aku rasa macam sedih je. Maybe sebab sekolah dah tamat and tahun depan, aku dah tak berada di sini lagi and tak bersama kawan-kawan. Tapi bila aku fikir balik, aku rasa bukan sebab tu. Kebelakangan ni aku rasa pelik + sedih. I felt like I'm being left out by people around me. And sometimes I feel like they deceiving me. Befriended or keep close to me just because some advantages that they can get.
And I felt it yesterday. At the last annual party. I was left alone, maybe because I'm not attractive as them. I know that they are the hotties and I'm just an outcast that only needed in some situation, like in studying. Well, befriended with the hotties sure are painful, sometimes. But in a party where people could make up themselves, I'm an ugly duckling. N.I.P = Not Important Person.
Because of this, aku selalu remind kat diri supaya jangan berkongsi hal diri kat orang yang tak sudi nak ambil berat pada kita cause nobody care about us unless they could get some benefit from us.----- By family, friends.......... And at this point, I do wonder what is 'friend' actually. Are we friend? Or do we actually related by bond?
I've put too much concern on them but sometimes I demand the concern from them too. But, maybe I'm really an N.I.P to them.
Okay, that was when they didn't really care about me -----------------------------------------------
But, when they just show their smile to me, I'm delighted and my emotion was revived. I feel like they always going to be my friend who I can share my feeling. Though the person really create the painful feeling for me but when they talk or curving a nice smile to me, the sorrowful in my heart were erased. I forget the pain and my heart was opened again for them.
For this reason I know, I'll keep be deceived by people but for this reason too, I can't step forward in my life.
Nothing good for me, I thought .......
